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One
out of every ten Americans has a fear of talking to
strangers. When you enter a room full of new faces,
to start these conversations seems like an
impossible task. You wait and wait and hope to God
someone else says hello first, but the apprehensive
silence persists. Then nobody talks to anybody.
This unwillingness to communicate will result in
missed opportunities to meet new friends and make
valuable connections. Your initial timidity takes
time and practice to overcome. However, the more
often you throw yourself into the sea, the less
likely the waves are to bother you.
Below are four major roadblocks that stand in your
way of starting conversations. The solutions to
these problems will equip you with the motivation to
stop falling asleep behind the conversational wheel.
The Fear of Rejection
They won't
say hello back to me. They won't be interested in
me. I will make a fool of myself.
This is the number one reason people don't start
conversations. However, practice will make this fear
fade away. The more you often you start
conversations, the better you will become at it. So,
be the first to introduce yourself or say hello.
When you take an active instead of a passive role,
your skills will develop and there will be less of a
chance for rejection. Also understand the gains vs.
losses. For example, what's so bad about a rejection
from someone you don't even know? On the other hand,
a new contact awaits your introduction!
Nothing Good to Say
I can't
think of anything good to say. I never break the
ice. Opening lines are difficult to put into action.
Be
certain to ask open ended questions with such words
as "How is...?" "Why are...?" and "What was...?" These
questions elicit elaboration, explanation and show
the other person you have taken an interest in them.
Also give a compliment about something you've
noticed followed by a related inquiry. Not only does
this appeal to someone's personal interests, but it
flatters them and satisfies the number one human
desire to feel appreciated. Finally, offer an
interesting piece of knowledge or trivia. Facts like
these are more engaging than the weather and will
lead your conversation to new and exciting
directions.
Uncertainty of
Involvement
All of
these people are strangers. I came into the
conversation too late. I'm not sure how to get
involved with the discussion.
Be
an active listener. Make eye contact with the
speaker. And, keep your ears open for iceberg
statements. These are pieces of free information
where ninety percent is under the surface ready to
be talked about. For example, listen for an implied
statement about someone's family or a key phrase
such as "independent contractor." Be sure to smile,
nod and respond with follow up inquiries. This
allows you to become included as a part of the
conversation.
Perception of
Conversational Value
Small talk
is a waste of my time. There's no reason to interact
to these people. I won't gain anything if I say
hello to the woman next to me.
Yes
you will! You will gain something if you talk to the
woman next to you. People start conversations for
five reasons: to help, to learn, to relate, to
influence and to play. Think of the potential value!
And you never know whom you will meet. "Fear not to
entertain strangers for in so doing some will
entertain angels unaware." Remember, some people
enter into your lives and change it forever. But,
until you own the attitude that every conversation
will affect your life, whatever gain is accrued when
you engage in social interaction will continue to be
outweighed by your fear.
Ultimately, initiating the conversation is half the
battle. It's the most difficult part of
interpersonal communication, and therefore an
important skill to master. Overcoming your initial
fear of rejection will come as you start more
conversations, more often. When you use open ended
questions which appeal to the needs and interests of
others, the probability of rejection will
significantly reduce. And, when you become a more
active listener with the attitude that conversations
do have value, you no longer have to worry about
falling asleep behind the conversational wheel.
©
2005 All Rights Reserved.
Scott Ginsberg is a professional speaker, "The
World's Foremost Expert on Nametags" and the author
of HELLO my name is Scott and The Power of
Approachability. He helps people MAXIMIZE their
approachability and become UNFORGETTABLE
communicators - one conversation at a time. For more
information contact Front Porch Productions at
http://www.hellomynameisscott.com.
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