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"And when it
rains on your
parade, look up
rather than
down. Without
the rain, there
would be no
rainbow." -
Jerry Chin
Rain is vital to
all life on
earth, and is
the main way
that water from
the sky fills
our lakes and
rivers, and
provides
nourishment and
growth. Most of
the time, we do
not look forward
to the rain, but
without it, we
will most likely
not be able to
enjoy luscious
fruits and
vegetables, or
experience the
warm and moist
feeling of green
grass as it
cushions our
bare feet.
Interpersonal
conflict is like
a rain shower -
a small local
burst of rain
that lasts a
short time. Rain
showers are
usually of light
to moderate
intensity and
likely to start
and stop
suddenly. You
can predict when
they occur by
the rapid change
in the sky's
appearance as
they approach.
The same is true
of most
interpersonal
conflicts -
those small
micro-bursts of
anger or
disagreement
that seem to
flare up quickly
and cease just
as suddenly.
The aphorism
rain on
my parade
reminds
us of the
unpleasantness
of conflict.
Yet, some
unpleasant
occurrences
bring about
better things.
Conflict
develops even
among the finest
of people.
Whenever there
is disagreement,
a difference of
opinion, a
different
approach, a
departure from
the way we do
things around
here, there is
conflict. These
little showers
of light to
moderate temper
or anger are
made to last
just a short
time. Yet, when
we approach them
the wrong way
(and there is a
wrong way), they
can become
full-blown
conflict
thunderstorms.
Unlike ordinary
rain showers,
thunderstorms
are rain
combined with
wind and
lightning. They
form worldwide,
spit out deadly
lightning, band
together to form
hurricanes, and
can spin up the
world's fastest
winds inside
tornadoes.
Been
caught in any
conflict
thunderstorms
lately?
THE REAL
SECRET
While we cannot
control or
change others,
we can take
responsibility
for our own
actions,
attitudes, and
behavior. So how
do we respond
when people want
to rain on our
parades?
Use the
U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A:
- U =
Understand.
Make an
attempt to
understand as
well as to be
understood.
Don't let the
other person's
difficult
behavior
preoccupy you;
then you can
deal with it
directly.
- M =
Manage.
Manage conflict
while it is
occurring. Look
for the real
issue which is
usually found at
the root of the
problem. Don't
allow yourself
to be distracted
by minor spats
or side issues
that distract
and get in the
way.
- B =
Breathe.
Use a variety of
stress-reducing
strategies when
you are in the
midst of
conflict. Try
breathing slowly
and deeply to
regulate stress
producing
adrenalin. Take
a break when
conversations
get heated, and
above all,
control your
impulses.
- R =
Respond.
Remain calm and
act in a
non-defensive
and non-reactive
way. The ability
to be calm in
the face of
conflict will
help you to
think more
clearly and
carefully.
- E =
Embrace.
Go directly to
those with whom
you disagree or
have a conflict.
Avoid
behind-the-back
criticism. If
this fails, then
ask an objective
third-party to
act as
facilitator in
resolving the
conflict.
- L =
Listen.
Be quick to
listen, and when
listening, do so
carefully.
Summarize and
check out what
is heard before
responding. Be
slow to judge,
avoid
name-calling,
and threatening.
- L =
Learn.
Examine key
learnings from
the conflict.
Conflict, though
painful, is
necessary for
growth and
maturity. Ask
yourself, "What
can I learn
here? Do I need
to change my
behavior or
offer an
apology?" Enter
into each
conflict
situation with a
learning
mindset.
- A =
Accept.
Conflict is a
normal part of
life, so accept
that it will
happen and most
likely happen
often. The
people we find
the most
difficult are
also those who
offer the
greatest
opportunities
for growth.
WHAT
ABOUT
COMMUNICATION?
Wherever
conflict exists,
no matter what
its cause or
reason,
communication
has played a key
role. Poor
communication
has either
initiated the
conflict or kept
it going. Good
communication
will lead to a
mutually
agreeable
solution. It
promotes a
give-and-take
open dialogue
that focuses on
the problem, not
the emotion.
We all have
difficult people
in our lives -
you know, those
folks of
radically
differing
viewpoints who
anger,
exasperate,
frustrate, and
nearly drive us
out of our
minds! Difficult
people tend to
rain on our
parades. Just
when things are
going well and
we're marching
in the success
procession, a
short but
violent conflict
shower or
thunderstorm
will often break
out. An
instinctive
response is
usually not the
best one because
we are caught
unawares. So we
reply back with
a storm of our
own, and before
you know it, a
deluge
accompanied by
hurricane force
winds floods our
relationships
and ruins our
parades.
IN THE
END, YOU MATTER...
You are
responsible for
deciding how you
will respond to
conflict and
difficult
people.
The
U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A,
along with good
communication,
will ensure that
you don't get
wet!
So, Let
It Rain...It's
Just a Parade
Althea
DeBrule,
entrepreneur &
seasoned human
resources
executive, has
helped people
achieve their
career goals for
more than 30
years. She is
recognized for
her bottom line
and practical
application of
career
transition &
development
strategies in a
way that compels
action. To
discover how
Althea can help
you take your
career to a new
level, visit
http://www.extreme-career-makeover.com/.
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