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Copyright December 12, 2006 CareerBuilder LLC -
Reprinted with permission.
A study
at the Stanford University School of Business
tracked a group of MBAs 10 years after they
graduated. The result? Grade point averages had no
bearing on their success -- but their ability to
converse with others did.
Being
able to connect with others through small talk can
lead to big things, according to Debra Fine, author
of 'The Fine Art of Small Talk.' A former engineer,
Fine recalls being so uncomfortable at networking
events that she would hide in the restroom. Now a
professional speaker, Fine says the ability to
connect with people through small talk is an
acquired skill.
Fine and
her fellow authorities on schmoozing offer the
following tips for starting -- and ending --
conversations:
1. As
you prepare for a function, come up with three
things to talk about as well as four generic
questions that will get others talking. If you've
met the host before, try to remember things about
her, such as her passion for a sport or a charity
you're both involved in.
2. Be
the first to say "hello." If you're not sure the
other person will remember you, offer your name to
ease the pressure. For example, "Charles Bartlett?
Lynn Schmidt... good to see you again." Smile first
and always shake hands when you meet someone.
3. Take
your time during introductions. Make an extra effort
to remember names and use them frequently.
4. Get
the other person talking by leading with a common
ground statement regarding the event or location and
then asking a related open-ended question. For
example, "Attendance looks higher than last year,
how long have you been coming to these conventions?"
You can also ask them about their trip in or how
they know the host.
5. Stay
focused on your conversational partner by actively
listening and giving feedback. Maintain eye contact.
Never glance around the room while they are talking
to you.
6.
Listen more than you talk.
7. Have
something interesting to contribute. Keeping abreast
of current events and culture will provide you with
great conversation builders, leading with "What do
you think of...?" Have you heard...?" What is your
take on...?" Stay away from negative or
controversial topics, and refrain from long-winded
stories or giving a lot of detail in casual
conversation.
8. If
there are people you especially want to meet, one of
the best ways to approach them is to be introduced
by someone they respect. Ask a mutual friend to do
the honors.
9. If
someone hands you a business card, accept it as a
gift. Hold it in both hands and take a moment to
read what is written on it. When you're done, put it
away in a shirt pocket, purse or wallet to show it
is valued.
10.
Watch your body language. People who look ill at
ease make others uncomfortable. Act confident and
comfortable, even when you're not.
11.
Before entering into a conversation that's already
in progress, observe and listen. You don't want to
squash the dynamics with an unsuited or ill-timed
remark.
12. Have
a few exit lines ready, so that you can both
gracefully move on. For example, "I need to check in
with a client over there," "I skipped lunch today,
so I need to visit the buffet," or you can offer to
refresh their drink.
When
should you exit a conversation? According to Susan
RoAne, author and speaker known as the "Mingling
Maven," your objective in all encounters should be
to make a good impression and leave people wanting
more. To do that, she advises: "Be bright. Be brief.
Be gone."
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